Friction (Oath Keepers MC Book 5)By: Sapphire Knight
Dead. I repeat and gag.
The tears come as that word plays over and over in my mind. Gone. No more. Fuck, I hate this world!
I’m under the cool water for probably a good hour until I can finally calm down and collect myself enough to get out. I don’t have to look at her. I can walk straight past and go to the bar. I’ll keep my fucking eyes closed if I have to. I can’t see those pants and hair together; it’s too many memories at once.
When I open the bathroom door, though, I’m caught off guard. She’s no longer sleeping but awake and happily eating her sandwich.
“Thank you, Twist.” She smiles, and my breath catches at her beauty.
“I borrowed some clothes; mine are in my car still. I hope you don’t mind.” Her kind eyes meet mine, her face still flushed from being warm as she slept.
I want to tell her she’s not allowed to touch those pants, but something holds me back. She looks completely adorable in my clothes, so I keep in the past what those clothes used to represent. “Naw, you’re good,” I mumble, and choke my anxiety down.
She finishes her sandwich quickly with a few bites and gets up to fix the bedding.
“Sunshine, you ain’t gotta do that; I can get it.”
“But it was so nice before, and I wrinkled it all up. It’s okay; I don’t mind.”
“Naw, sug’, I don’t want you bending like that, especially after that trip. You need to take it easy.”
“Damn it, this high-risk thing is going to drive me crazy,” she mumbles, not realizing that I know exactly what that means. I may not have been there for my wife enough when she was pregnant, but I paid attention to stuff that could hurt her, and high-risk was something that I read about in a few of the baby books.
“How long you been high-risk?”
She glances up, surprised. “Umm…Just a few weeks.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “That’s why I’m here. I can’t work anymore and stuff.”
“So you drove all the way here by yourself?” She’s not even mine and I wanna spank her for being so fuckin’ careless.
“Yeah, I had to; my brother wasn’t picking up or calling back.” Her eyes tear up, and instead of griping about it, I nod and hold my hand out to her.
“All right, Sadie baby, let’s go see your brother.”
If he’s not up by now, too fuckin’ bad. I’ll wake his ass up myself. She drove that long-ass distance and he should have gotten his lazy ass up when she first got here.
Sadie places her hand in mine, and fuck me, if it doesn’t feel good to actually hold someone’s hand again. It’s been such a long time since I showed anyone that I care even a little. Just who is this chick and why the fuck do I not want to let go of her hand?
Stars can’t shine without darkness.
My eyes part and it looks like I’m stuck with another day in this fucked up world. I’m so glad the dreams didn’t come last night. I can only handle seeing their dead bodies so many times before I lose my shit and make the brothers think I need to be locked in a hospital or some other fucking institution. I’d like to think they wouldn’t, but who can blame them when I can’t stop the screaming at night or the voices in my head.
As if losing my wife and baby girl wasn’t bad enough, I’m forced to wake up and deal with it every goddamn day of my life. I tried to end it a few years ago, running my car into an old tree, but I lived through that shit too. Then I had my mom in my hospital room crying her eyes out making me swear to never attempt to take my life again, and preaching about how I have something goin’ on in my mind called TBI or Traumatic Brain Injury. Whatever the fuck that is. I gave in and promised her, but there are plenty of nights I get so fucked up that I hope I don’t wake up.
Speaking of… Leaning over to my nightstand, I open the bottom drawer and grab the little dish with my baggie of coke, rolled up twenty-dollar bill, and razor blade. Nothing like a little pick-me-up when first waking up.
Using the razor blade, my shaky right hand lines up a nice size bump to get my day started. I snort up the white powder of wonder; the feeling of it climbing higher in my nose is completely serene. It’ll help me get through the day till I can start drinking.
The clock says eleven-thirty in the morning, so there should be shit for a sandwich in the fridge, courtesy of the club whores, and I may be able to eat a little. I need somethin’. The only reason I’m holding on any weight at all is from Cain’s protein shit he has me drink—the same shit he uses to build muscle. With Cain being a muscle head, I was fairly surprised to find out he’s not a total shit for brains, but actually pretty smart. Fuckin’ stereotypes are nothing but bullshit! He’s a good fit for the club too.
“Mmm, what are you doing?” Sadie murmurs sleepily, and I shove the small tray back in the drawer, rubbing my hands over my nose to make sure nothing is left behind for her to see. I don’t know what she thinks about coke, and I don’t feel like finding out right now. She brought up her parents’ drug issues briefly last night, but she didn’t go into it, besides they have nothing to do with me anyhow. 2 Piece minds his own when it comes to any of our drug use, but I don’t know if Sadie will be the same way.